Be still my beating heart. I write these words as if they mean something. They don’t. I probably just like chocolate. But they used to; I used to calm it and tell myself and my heart to slow down. I was perpetually consumed by love or its wretched hangover. That is no longer the case.
I realized recently that I don’t have a love interest. I don’t have an admirer – except those ones I find on a weekly basis, who text me for a while before they realize I’m probably never going to go out with them. With me, persistence is key – but so are first impressions. If I wasn’t ever interested, I’ll probably never be – I know within seconds if it could be something; if it will be something. (My two longest relationships begun in a moment when I looked at each guy and thought “Mine”.) But I give out my number because it’s easier to say no to a screen than it is to a person’s face who is hopefully requesting your digits, an in essence, your time – perhaps even, your love. But I just like the fleeting attention.
But my hope, my interest is in limbo. My love is only mine. (And chocolate’s.) I don’t even have a crush. Not even little one. I’ve even lost my (inexplicable) celebu-crush on Shia LeBouf.
Now I wonder what happens to the girl – the one who was so in love with love that she took purposeful and executive actions to fall out of love with love – when there is no love to be had. I had myself on so many hiatuses over the past couple of years that I didn’t even notice to care that there wasn't anyone to be interested in when I wasn't with someone. I was healing a broken heart; or running away from love’s love; or tending to my silliness; or focusing on myself. Now, I’m just here…waiting. On something…or perhaps I’m waiting on absolutely nothing. This is a strange place to be indeed.
The beating heart stills. It's more of a noun than a verb. And with the stills, it waits on the corner for the bus. With a hope that it picks me up before a rain begins. And with a nice, open seat, perhaps next to a lovely stranger...in a most unexpected of places.
I’m not wounded, broken or recovering. It’s a new place for me. Maybe even a little – dare I say – boring. You know, for someone who thrived for so long on something they had decided to run away from…and now are slowly sauntering back to. It’s like walking a marathon.
And I’m more of a 10 minute mile; an eager, but calm pace...somewhere in the middle of 30,000 other runners. Perhaps I should learn to just relax.
ralph lauren outlet, http://www.ralphlaurenoutlet.in.net/
futbol baratas, http://www.futbol-baratas.com/
oakley sunglasses, http://www.oakleysunglasses-outlet.us.com/
lululemon outlet, http://www.lululemonoutletstore.in.net/
ray ban sunglasses, http://www.raybansunglass.co.uk/
ray ban sunglasses, http://www.raybansunglass.com.au/
north face jackets, http://www.thenorthfaces.in.net/
coach outlet online, http://www.coachoutletonline.in.net/
ralph lauren, http://www.poloralphlaurenoutlet.it/
oakley sunglasses, http://www.wholesaleoakleysunglasses.us.com/
true religion jeans, http://www.truereligionjean.in.net/
pandora jewelry, http://www.pandorajewelryoutlet.us.com/
louis vuitton handbags, http://www.louisvuittonhandbags.org.uk/
swarovski outlet, http://www.swarovski-outlet.co.uk/
tory burch outlet, http://www.toryburchoutletonline.in.net/
oakley sunglasses wholesale, http://www.oakleysunglasseswholesale.us.com/
nike huarache, http://www.nike-airhuarache.co.uk/
hollister uk, http://www.hollistershirts.co.uk/
oakley outlet, http://www.oakleyoutlet.in.net/
michael kors handbags, http://www.michaelkorshandbag.co.uk/
oakley sunglasses, http://www.oakleysunglassesdiscount.us.com/
louis vuitton handbags, http://www.louisvuittonhandbagsoutlet.co.uk/
ray ban sunglasses, http://www.ray-bansunglassess.in.net/
dansko outlet, http://www.dansko-shoes.us/
coach outlet, http://www.coachoutletstores.com.co/
ray ban sunglasses, http://www.ray-bansunglasses.eu.com/
air max 2014, http://www.airmax2014.net/
cheap nba jerseys, http://www.nbajerseys.net/
christian louboutin outlet
coach outlet online
true religion jeans
ralph lauren uk
golden goose sneakers
supreme new york
nike air max
Thank you for sharing
Post a Comment