Let me preface this conversation with the fact that I have more guy friends than girls...and there's a reason for it. Most of my close guy friends I've known for about ten years, below is a conversation with one of my "favorites" and we have a totally platonic and awesome friendship. K? K, read on. [And hi mom, remember: this is all in good fun. (I hope you don't read it anyway.)]
Friend: what quote?
me: “Why do you want me to kiss you?” he asked intently, “Do you just go round kissing people?” “Why, yes,” admitted Marcia, unruffled. “‘At’s all life is. Just going round kissing people.”
me: YOU JUST GOT ENGAGED.
Friend: yes, I know and it's been seriously like 6 weeks.
me: you get engaged, you get ass.
me: THEM ARE THE RULES!
Friend: Yeah, I thought so too. LOL
me: i think you need to take back the ring.
me: maybe try again in 3 weeks.
Friend: HAHA, that sounds like a good idea :p
me: let me know how that works out for you.
Friend: My guess is that it wouldn't so much and I'd be even more hard up
me: she's seen the ring; it'll be fine.
me: im just confused.
me: you get engaged: you get ass.
me: where did you go wrong?
Friend: I don't know. I thought I did everything right...maybe I had a tone in my voice when I asked, LOL.
me: how did you propose?
me: maybe you shoulda spiked her drink with viagra.
me: that's not okay: a man spends 10k+ on you, you put out. period.
me: i'd put out for wendy's at this point.
me: ...i'm kidding.
me: i need at least the olive garden.
Friend: so. . .want to go to olive garden? :p LOL
me: hahahaha. sure, grab that ring back first.
Friend: DONE! lol
me: somehow i don't think it is. hahaha
Friend: I don't know... it sounds like a pretty good proposition at the moment, LOL.
me: right? sex and olive garden.
me: DOES IT GET ANY BETTER?
me: oh. i got it: olive garden during sex.
Friend: MMMmmmm breadstick nookie
me: may want to rethink that phrasing.
Friend: I don't know, either way seems pretty appealing to me right now. LOL
Friend: that's gross
me: ya, and totally unfortunate for you
me: good news for the breadstick.
me: though i don't know how i'd ever get rid of the garlic smell.
me: i'd have to marry an italian.
me: *sigh* ...really, hayley? you went there?
Friend: I love it. Just another reason you're so awesome
me: thanks. haha. i like that you define awesome by garlic vagina = marry an italian.
me: sooooooooooo anyway
Friend: hahahah soooooooooo anyway
me: i need to date someone that will make me a mix tape.
me: is that too much to ask?
me: brown hair, blue eyes, nice teeth, mix tape.
me: so that's a yes then on the mix tape?
Friend: But i'll make you a mix tape
me: oh and no ear wax.
me: can't deal
Friend: everyone has ear wax... it's just a matter of proper cleaning
me: i must not see your ear wax.
me: or nose hairs.
Friend: again, all about proper grooming
me: if i see ear wax or nose hairs i don't care how good you smell or how drunk i am, it's not happening.