Friday, August 24, 2012

Politics and Women

This is how I feel about politicians and women's "rights":

Men really need to get a hobby. And campaigns and politics really need to stick to economics and the state of the Union. This POTUS race is clearly focusing on women for the vote. Ignore the focus groups saying we're the swing and leave our bodies alone. It's getting old. Stop it. Just stop. "No uterus, no opinion".

How about we talk about the federal deficit? Or welfare? Or taxes? Or illegals? Or anything else that is slightly relevant to the good of the people? Male politicians making choices about women's bodies is the equivalent of Paris Hilton trying to change her oil - I'm sure she knows it's there, but she has no idea what to do with it.

If women were in office we wouldn't be trying to tell men what to do with their balls. Go grow a pair, dudes. And pick a new topic.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Ego Fluffed, Stigma and All

This entire thing is so much more entertaining than I originally anticipated. And talking about it with my friends gives it an added bonus of entertainment and comparisons. And having guys in the "Book Club" who have dated both solely offline and on/offline has given me some very interesting insight.

I have been on for about a week now. I have had about 75 people message me and countless others judge view my profile. It's a little weird to think that all of these people are out there, looking at what you have to say, but so far the response is almost all positive: You're hot; you're pretty; you're obviously beautiful; your pictures are really entertaining; you seems like a really cool girl; your profile is great; you're one of my favorite people on here. Hello and my ego is fluffed.

Granted, some of these men look like their faces got caught in a drain; others are too young, too old, some are way too short. However, it's nice to hear. It's nice to get a little virtual validation from people who are judging me from what I have to say and not just who I am at a bar on Saturday night; that I'm all of these wonderful, interesting (and attractive) things once judged beyond the exterior. Seriously, who doesn't love that? (Be real. Saying you don't like positive, affirming attention is like saying you have never picked your nose. We are human - and there's a reason your finger is the same size as your nostril.)

Sure, there have been a few guys that will message me, I message back and then crickets, but lets be real - this is online dating, it's not real. It's an entertaining way to see that even though you go to the bars and give up and think that everyone that's attractive is douche or that everyone normal is taken, it's not true. There are other people out there just as lost as you.

There are also a lot of people that look like the typical person you expect to find from online dating. On Tuesday I had a guy message me "hi let's meet for tea", who I described as "his face looks like his lips got in a fight with his penis pump and lost". That's mean!, you might say, Internet World, but, come on, he can't hear me. This part is half the fun.

So far I've had one troll. He was 44. His only insult was to call me 35. Men are idiots. If the only insult you can think of is to tell me I look older than I am, then I'm doing something very, very right. Pick on something I'm insecure about and you might get to me, but my age - no, I'm 28. Fact. That's not subjective, sir.

All in all, so far I'm glad I sucked it up and signed up. It's teaching me a lot about interpersonal relationships: Both online and offline, from both the online community and talking about it with the "Book Club" members. And I know there's a stigma, but I think this is the perfect time to add this chapter to my story because I'm not seeking anything serious; it's just for shits and giggles...and ego fluffs.

It's interesting and entertaining (until I get bored with it and ADD on). And I thought the other night that maybe it will help me improve job/interview skills, because it forces practices of conditions I'm uncomfortable with. I suck at interviews - and one of the Veteran male BC members says each first meeting is just an interview, "not a date".

So then, here we are, practicing for life. Let's make it fun. Stigma and all.

Monday, August 6, 2012

The Observation Deck of Dating

Yesterday I had lunch with a friend – and past roommate, actually, who met me when I was in the middle of PE, saw me come out of it, was there through HG and has seen me rise past all of them and back into a certain lightness. The weight of so many things has become a burden of the past for me…and for her. We are both lighter, I remarked. And we both smiled a little; both at each other and for ourselves. We’re total opposites, but living together found ourselves helping the other through different things. Without being put together by the total randomness of life, we’d never have met – and it took a while for us to even talk despite living four feet away. But maybe that’s it gives us such a different outlook; perhaps it’s those kinds of black and white, oil and water, unexpected kindnesses that make the best kind of things in life. And so we discussed and I found myself realizing for the first time in my life that when I said “I don’t want a relationship right now” that I really, truly meant it; the liberty of missing no one. So that’s going to make what I have to say next, not make any sense at all.

I’m joining a dating website. I know, right? Now let me tell you why.

Last weekend – not this past weekend – I was girlfriend N’s house for a “family” dinner. When you get into your late 20s, your friends become more family than your family. I find this concept so increasingly sweet and they are some of the most enjoyable moments of life. So sitting down after dinner, one of the boys in the house was looking through his OK Cupid account. I have never been interested online dating, but I am curious by nature and always wondered how they worked. I asked if I could look through his profile and whatnot. Scrolling through the girls, I found myself making comments to the absolute entertainment of the other five people there. This was like people watching without having to leave the house! (And that's like my favorite hobby next to eating.) Next, I looked through my gay friend’s profiles and matches and then girlfriend C’s.


 I did this for hours and then decided, once others’ curiosities got involved and they started to remark as well, that we need a “book club”. Essentially that they we would all remain on/join an online dating site and then meet once/twice a month to brunch and discuss the ridiculousness that is online dating. The fugs; the crazies; the paper-baggers (like Olympic swimmers: good body, bad face); the weird messages; and the whatever else happens in situations like this. I’m in it for the laughter, the judgment-free judging; the company of friends, and the ego fluffs.

It will be like my going to the grocery store on speed! Last week the clerk greeted me with, “forgive me, but you are stunningly beautiful. ::pause:: Well, don’t forgive me, but you are beautiful”. And then, after picking up the LIFE on Marilyn Monroe, proceeded to tell me that I was far more attractive than her; he said it with such sincerity and it was totally flattering (albeit, unbelievable to me) and (somehow) not creepy. This, unlike the creepy man the week before in another store of the same chain who came up to me as I was nabbing my weekly supply of ice cream and nervously asked where the nearest CVS was; After 2 minutes and 4 mentions of being new to the area, I realized what was going on, but it was too late. The 5’10”, 50 something, slightly sweating, balding man asked me to coffee in the middle of the frozen food aisle.

“No thank you,” I said politely, as I walked away wondering if he was delusional or if I’m just getting ugly. I’m counting that as his Hail Mary; the store closed in five minutes.

However, I am beyond apprehensive to join a site. Embarrassed. Resistant. Just not my cup of tea. I am not interested in online dating – even though PI is convinced this is a rouse that covers up the hope that it all pans out. Hand to the Lord: It’s not.  Allow me to expand, via the three paragraph start to an entry I began about this last week:

The control of one’s on destiny – quite the illusion; kinda like saying you’ll drink vodka and then drive home. Neither is a good idea, nor actually possible without being completely illegal and probably slightly dangerous. I think when we try to control elements in our lives, is when the universe exerts the most force to prove a point that you, in fact, have no say in the matter of your life what-so-ever. And it checks in on the regular.

So I went to a good girlfriend’s wedding this Saturday. Beautiful ceremony; gorgeous bride; handsome groom; so incredibly perfect for one another it makes you believe still in love and fate. And then you had enjoyed ouzo and vodka at the open bar and forgot a little of the night and hope you only sort of made and ass out of yourself – just enough so that you hope they do the same at your wedding and everyone has a good laugh. This, at once, makes me realize that 1. I am completely ill-prepared to be married at the moment and 2. It doesn’t matter anyway; when fate rolls through, you just have to be fate’s bitch. I am not disillusioned from this fact.

I am under the impression that when the universe is ready, he will come and find me. And no matter of searching or online scavenging will speed up that process. Another friend is on an (online) hunt for a husband - and hats of to her - but I all I can think is, she tries so hard and I just don't care and yet we're still in the same single place. Kudos to those who make online dating work for them, but it’s just not for me – it’s not that story that I want. So completely against my character – and the fact that I’m not looking for a relationship (and yes, I’m aware my previous statements admitted that’s beyond my control anyway) – I’m signing up for an online dating site. However, I have no intentions on going on any dates. I’m starting a “Book Club”. 

And I am; I just couldn’t let the idea stay inside my head. And as the proprietor of the invention, I had to take part. I said if N filled out a profile, then I would – since she was hesitant as well. She fulfilled her end, but I’m still bartering. I'm in denial. I'm dragging my feet, avoiding the subject. Damn being a woman of my word! But maybe it will be okay as long as I don’t end up on this list (which was really the catalyst to my idea). People are crazy, guys! - and I think I found the pool they all hang out in. I'm going to observation deck to watch; I'll report back.

End note: Gah! I thought writing about it would make it more appealing. I still don’t want to do this. At all. Hopefully it’s good entertainment…