Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Vacation Introspection

"It's times like these you learn to live again; it's times like these you give and give again; it's times like these you learn to love again; it's times like these time and time again..."

Heartbreak and bruises and life trials and tribulations are tough. But there is a richness, a warming, to realize that you've found yourself again. I think that is the most rewarding part. Not the part where you put yourself out there, or the part where you gather to strength to say "that's enough" and save yourself; not even the part where you pull your face from a pillow, dry the tears and move on, but what happens just after. The most rewarding part of the many paths of life and love is that each time something hurts, or you find yourself in pieces, is a time to reclaim who you are, and somehow, become happier each time this transition passes through; And each time, a better version than the last.

I have never been so alone (yet no where near lonely) for so long. I have never been so broke. I have never been so confused - or rather so lacking specific direction. And I have never been quite so happy.

I would almost blame residual vacation smiles, as I just landed late last night from another vacation abroad: A short stay in Mexico filled with amazing experiences and an even more amazing group of strangers new friends. Ziplining, snorkeling in underwater caves and with sea turtles and sting rays, swimming with dolphins and the list goes on. My life is exceeding my bucket list and my queue of places to travel grows. My bucket list expands to include all the things I suddenly grew the guts to do and courage to go so far.

The trip was short: Wednesday to Monday, but it felt like much longer and oh-so-short, all at the same time. I somehow feel changed again, but I don't know how or why. PI said today that it's because it seems that since this year last, I decided to stop letting the burdens of life or my lust for love weigh me down; I pushed back everything and took over the driver's seat. Maybe he's right --- and how I love the wind in my (now much longer) hair. There's something magical in (the cliche) of learning to love yourself.

"...I'm a new day rising; I'm a brand new sky."

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