Wednesday, May 23, 2012
In recent weeks I have come to find that many people forget to enjoy the simplicity of life without children. And without a partner. And choose to focus on what they don't have, rather than what they do. When really, it's all just a crapshoot anyway: Married, single, kids, no kids - everyone seems to want what they don't have.
It seems to me that we're all so hardwired to not be alone because that's all we have known (to be with others), that humans don't bother to appreciate the moments they're in while in them. The perfect, simple, clear raindrops of a time when all we have to do is worry about ourselves and hope that one day, the other things we want - the things in life far more complicated - will fall into place. And even so, in these clear moments of learning about only ourselves, it doesn't make us alone. In fact, if anything, it teaches us how to be self-sustaining without any guarantees. Because nothing is a guarantee. I once lacked the knowledge that I can leave this phase of my life confident that I can stand up for myself, by myself; that I never have to sit in another broken situation because I'm scared to be alone. (Because the loneliest place in the world is trapped in a broken partnership.)
Rushing the process of finding oneself and seeking spouse/kids is habit and understanding of which now alludes me. Paying for one. Eating for one. Working for one. Sustaining for one. Planning for one. In which the world becomes putty in the palm of your hand and the mistakes you make are only yours to have and hold and affect just one.
Too often kids are in a rush to be adults. And adults are in a rush to have kids. For some people, the rush suits them and the fit is obvious. But far more often, people seem to force the suit. And with so much art and science and divorce and love and hate, it bewilders me why so many people feel compelled complicate their lives - even when the pieces don't fit. The pieces of every puzzle will fall into line with the others when you figure out what goes where - so why anyone chooses to focus on where that one piece goes without having the rest in place, I can't quite comprehend. Maybe it's because I've been there and I realize how broken it can be - and a life less simple is quite complicated indeed.
I've listened to the cries of late: Why are so many people coupled up when others are by themselves, they wonder: Why is that 800lb lady engaged and I'm not?! And I find myself just thinking that the simplicity of the single life is far too often under-appreciated; they're not looking at what they have - and have fostered for themselves - but, rather, what they don't have. Love is all around you, my friends: Your true family and the one you have cultivated in friendships. Look up for a minute from the sorrow that fills your eyes and the worry that plagues your mind and see that love surrounds you and enjoy the simplicity of it. One day you'll wish you were, again, where you are at today.
The simplicity of life alone is a beautiful thing. I wish you could see it too. Everything is just about you. (And it's suppose to be; that's the beauty of it.) So what's the rush?
(Cause It's pretty fuckin' sweet when you think about it.)