Monday, May 14, 2012

My Mother

"It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are" - E. E. Cummings

Because she encouraged me to be me, my mother is my hero.

Most people are unwilling or too prideful to admit they've my mistakes. My mother is my hero because she carries each one like a badge of honor. I am stronger because of her. I understand what strength means because of her. It isn't brute force or muscles or mass or the number of diamonds or size of your house: It is your lessons and everything you are willing to share. It is how to learn to stand up for yourself. Strength is that determination to be happy though all of the unhappy and unfortunate situations life throws at you. The determination to find yourself; to be happy alone and then invite someone else to be strong with you. And to ride the ups and downs of life together. To do everything you have to do to try to be happy - even when you're not anywhere near there; even when it seems impossible. That life isn't easy - and it's not suppose to be; that we're not perfect - and we're not supposed to be.

My mother is my hero because she makes me realize that everything works out in the end. Things break and get fixed. You break and from that grow. You become better and wiser and stronger every time. Even when everything seems broken and hopeless, you will always find your way back out - somehow she always made it work. And did everything she could so maybe we didn't notice it was broken in the first place: A magician of life. My mother is my hero because she told me to wait till twenty-eight - she told me to wait to find myself - because that's when she realized the strength within herself. She is one-half the reason I am not unhappily married or betrothed at twenty-eight. She is my hero because instead of admitting defeat, she wanted us to learn from her mistakes, but left us open and without judgement to make our own. She pushed us so far from her - encouraged us to move - so our lives would never be provincial - even though she knew she'd miss us. She is my hero for being so selfless - for letting us go, and encouraging us to find every adventure in life and ride it through without her, all while reminding she will always be there. Always. No matter what.

My mother is my hero because she has become my friend - despite the growing pains of adolescence and distance. And I love that every time we talk, I feel closer to her. That she has become more than my mother - and who knew there was any greater honor? And that every time we talk, I learn a little more about her. My mother is my hero because she taught me the meaning of strength and self-worth and I'll be damned if not the value of a dollar too. if only she hadn't given me her butt, I might think the sun shines out of hers. <3

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