Monday, February 22, 2010

Smiling Helps, Despite the Guilt

I had a fantastic weekend spiked with pain. Friday I went out for some birthdays; it was a good time, from what I remember. I had rum and cider; but no dinner. So I was functional, but forgot some. However, I made up for it on Saturday as I ate a lot of chicken and drank moderately, but remember the whole hilarious night. Note to self: eat more Chik-fil-a and keep doing this. Unfortunately, sitting in my car waiting to meet my friend to get on the metro and head to the concert Saturday, I got a call from my mom. I knew what it was before I picked it up. The bad news got worse. The worst: "but at least she went fast and painlessly". Well, I guess so...

That line is only so helpful. I had a debate; I could go home and just think or go out with my friends. As guilty as I felt doing it, I went out. The sadness is still settling in; but perhaps in life you have to lose people you love to make room in your heart for more; not that the love is any less once they're gone; but they need to watch over you, spirits renewed and souls shared. I miss everyone I have loved and lost, but in a conversation earlier today, I realize that the pain you feel is directly related to the quality of love and lessons they brought into your life: so if that's what it takes, I know my sadness will subside and make room for a plethora of memories, stories and lessons told to young from old. And still I learned, smiling helps, despite the guilt.

The importance of friends is also highly underrated.


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