Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Turkish Update

Guys, guys, the Turk came back and everything is great!

I'm totally joking. Nothing in my life ever works out quite that normal and nice. He never actually replied to my response(s) to his birthday email. "Well how often does he check his email," my mom asked.

"I don't know. I don't even know what continent he is on!"
Motherly advice, while lamenting
 about the Turk's latest response

"Good point." So after sending a follow up email to him on Thursday - after he didn't respond to my reply to his birthday email Tuesday -the Turk finally replied late night last Friday. I literally typed "please reply" at the end after I asked what was going on between us and if I should move on or he was still in Turkey and should I keep on waiting because not knowing was hurting me. He apologized for the late response and responded, in his broken English, with something resembling: that the family related matters in Turkey were more complicated than he had thought and he didn't know when he would be back so maybe I should go on because it would be selfish of him to ask me to wait for him and thank you for understanding.

Right. Well that didn't exactly tell me how he felt, which was a big question in the email I had sent. And read as though he was trying to take the 'I'm a good guy and this is for you' way out. But I suppose if you think, fuck I could be here for a year, his reply is totally justified. And I feel somewhat vindicated that he was, indeed, dealing with family shit, although my patience leaves something to be desired. But dude, why wouldn't you clue me in as to your whereabouts?! If this shit doesn't tell you just how jacked up our communication over the past what's it now like 2 months? has been, I don't know what does.

I responded and asked if he would like to keep in contact and maybe see each other when he gets back, which really was what I was going for from the beginning and got all fucking garbled. But, again, he didn't respond. Maybe he's sick of trying to write sentences in English, which I just realized is as difficult for him as reading my stupid emails in English. Would have been a lot easier from the start for him to admit that reading English is perhaps not his strong suit. Pride can certainly be inhibiting. Or maybe he's just a total fucking asshole. Could be.

So I tried to pen this email back to him, in Turkish this time. To really get my point across. Like, no, feelings - what are your FEEEEEEELINGS and I'd like to see you when you get back. And blah blah blah. But now I'm holding onto it wondering: Really? Is that what I want? Does he even care? Do I care if he cares? Hasn't all this fucked-uppedness encouraged me to just walk away? Like do I want to continue this hostage situation?  I don't know. But whatever it was the universe did a really strange thing to me with this one. And I'm really looking forward to seeing the god damned point. Because this all sucked big fucking Turkish donkey balls. And I hate it. And its incredibly frustrating. Although the weight loss has been nice...so at least there's that sliver of size six silver lining.

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