Last week I wasn't hungry due to the flu. Once I was, I lost my sense of taste and mostly out of stubbornness refuse to eat anything that might actually taste good because what's the damn point? I'll show that fried chicken who's boss: YOU'RE NOT GETTING EATEN ::shovels in more quinoa::. I have, however gone through copious amount of gross and expired foods I'd collected over the past two years. So there's a positive, though later exclaimed: I JUST WANT TO EAT SOME MOTHER FUCKING PIZZA WITH SOME MOTHER FUCKING RANCH AND BE ABLE TO TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THAT AND MOLDY CARDBOARD!
I'm ready for my sense of smell and taste to come back now. I could stink to high heaven and not even know it. And like a booger hanging out of the nose, most people are too afraid of awkward to say anything. Me? I'm all: HEY, MISTER, I DON'T KNOW YOU BUT YOU GOT A BAT IN THE CAVE, MK.
I just got totally sidetracked. The point of all that is to say that I don't have time: Go figure. And the blog my friends and I had made when we began our little Book Club of online dating kinda fizzled because we busy people, yo. Also, I have given up on online dating. That shit is not for me. At all.
However, I did manage to go on some dates and while I was never interested before, I can certainly say this quenched any curiosity may have (ever) had about online dating. It will also make for a educated chapter in The Book. While I'm busy with life, allow me to present to you my short foray into online dating by sharing the blogs I managed to pen in the few months I could stomach the experience.
Here's number 1. (PS I'm "The Window Shopper" dating type according to the OkCupid quiz, which is actually stupid accurate.)
THURSDAY, AUGUST 16, 2012
So it's been a little over a week since I signed up for OkC. I have had probably 100s of visitors to my page and 75 messages: Three of which I found potentially interesting. It used to be four: We started a conversation last week about Running with Scissors, that I later gave up on, finding it only mildly interesting (the convo, not the book).
The fourth dropped off yesterday when I conversation went as follows:
Guy: Well hello again
Guy: How are you doing today?
Me: Well. And yourself?
Guy: Not so hot, just kind of relaxing. Been a bit of a stressful day, and tomorrow will be just as much fun.
Me: Sorry to hear. Eat ice cream. It makes everything better.
Guy: But I have no ice cream, are you buying? :P
Me: Nope! Maybe throw some ice and milk in a bag - see what happens. haha.
Guy: So mean, why not help me out?
Here's the Window Shopper's advice, guys: No one wants to be your mother. No one wants to clean up after you. And no one, particularly a stranger you're trying to get to like you, wants to listen to you whine. Get your own damn ice cream and call your mother, is all I really wanted to type. Instead, radio silence. You're 28, cheer yourself up. Or find a hug.
Or perhaps I should drop it down to two. Because I was having the best exchange between myself and this guy up until I got bored at work and typed a response that probably amused myself more than him, but really it was all a legit response to his correspondence. The debate topic about fat people being sent to an island to lose weight to save on health insurance from high school may have been too much (which, to be fair, was health clinic argument angled to piss off my teacher that I didn't like - but didn't tell him that).Who knows. Note to self: Keep responses 3 paragraphs or less. But what can I say? I like to write and I like to talk about myself. So I'll probably just continue to do whatever I want and listen to crickets.
Otherwise the experience has been a positive one - minus one trolling 44 year old with only his torso pictured who called me 35...like that was an insult. I'm getting much more actual, positive attention once they read my profile. (I say "actual" because I'm hoot, hollered and whistled at all the time real life, but "actual" dates...not so much.) It's some how liberating, validating and sort of overwhelming all at once. It's great to get messages from people who actually like what you have to say (and photos while camping with no makeup) versus just judging blonde hair and a big rack (in person) at stereotypical face value, and then trying to win you over Has our courtship turned viral? Have we met the 1950s wooing all over but Internet plays matchmaker? Either way, it's a really good ego fluff.
And then I wonder - since I was asked to drinks by one of the three - what to do in this situation since I'm not, in fact, seeking any type of relationship at the moment. Earlier in the year, I put myself on a sabbatical until at least October. I have allowed myself casual dating, but I think some of the men on the site are actually looking for something serious; real. I am both of those things - hopeless romantic extraordinaire - but not right now. So how do I handle that...