The other day, I posted this letter John Steinbeck wrote to his son concerning his first love. I really enjoyed the note; it was poignant. Just then, a short conversation ensued (in which I probably talked too much):
G: thanks for sharing the steinbeck post, i needed it
me: no problem.
G: oh ya, just frustrated with dating
and the endless cycle of anger/sadness/defeat, etc.
me: ha. ohhhhhhhhhhhh. i feel you sister.
G: and then being ok with it, lol
and saying eff off i have better things to do
me: i'm currently restuck on someone i've asked to go away to get unstuck. and then i'm fine and then part of me goes "don't let it go". and then logic comes back and goes "you wouldn't want that right now anyway".
in short. i feel you. haha
G: haha, and hence why i would rather fill my schedule up with my endless hobbies
i swap crazy for crazy
me: ha. when i made the ... decision to end it with him, my sister said "enjoy these months of being single, they could be your last".
that always comes back to mind. we never know what tomorrow may bring. life changes in an instant.
G: lol, when months turn to years that advice does not weigh as heavily with me
me: we have forever to be taken. [only limited time to be single.] but i understand the frustration. oh, trust me, i do.
almost more annoying to have "oh look this could be perfect" dangling in front of your face only to have to swiftly bat it away. and struggle some months later with it still. it all sucks. one day it won't suck anymore.
i figure, someone is out there frustrated that he hasn't found me either. and then when it comes that time, everyone appreciates the other person that much more cause it took so much to find them.
then again, i could be waxing optimism.
i'll shut up and leave it to john steinbeck.
that was lovely
Only, I wasn't just waxing. I believe all of these things. The hopeless romantic remains and sometimes stuff still bothers me, but it's true "nothing good gets away". In other words, it didn't work out because it wasn't suppose to. There is a path - we can't see it and we don't know where it goes, but it's there and everything we endure or hope for or cry or laugh or fret about - it is part of that path: Eventually we find the good stuff. And appreciate it all the more. And as much as we think we're by ourselves, our paths are never as solitary as sometimes they may appear.
One day it won't suck anymore.