Wednesday, June 15, 2011

When Does Middle School End?

I was alone for a while. I've always had sisters and friends and people, PEOPLE EVERYWHERE. Good, this I liked. And then I moved away after college with only my boyfriend and ferrets in tow.

From 2006 to 2008, it was just me and him and the ferrets. It was lonely. Predictable. And depressing, to be honest. In mid-2008 I started to get out a little more and make a couple of friends. By the spring of 2009, my ferrets had passed away, my boyfriend and I were officially over and I was making friends, while preparing to be officially alone. Only, I finally wasn't lonely anymore.

This was easy, almost, compared to now. I collected friends for the past two years. Wonderful people with whom I fell in love - but it seems that nothing in life is every constant. I find myself, at times, missing the days when I would wake up, knowing I would fight with my boyfriend, go to school or work, eat, poop and sleep. It was predictable. Comfortable. No one was making me feel awkward or question WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH YOU PEOPLE?! I knew, even when the relationship was broken, at least I knew.

But lately things have been changing. My friends have been acting strange. I couldn't figure out what the hell was going on. Recently, I learned there is this man-child (very reminiscent of my severely sociopathic dad - don't worry, we don't speak anymore) who I BARELY know (and can only see his behavior for what it is, cause I lived it once before...for 22 years) spreading lies about me - that are likely to come relished with believable back stories and details, al la Sociopath (see: 2 & 3) Handbook. But I have no idea what all he is saying/doing - and the why? Seven, calmly informative words: "She doesn't want to talk to you" - and now it appears he is attempting to manipulate people I care about to get to me. Followed, perhaps, by a few other people acting sweetly to my face and bashing me behind my back. (Seriously? Bandwagon much?) To which my friends react to me, not asking questions about whatever is said, but instead by giving me an awkward vibe, excluding me and making me feel hurt and self-conscious.

I'm suddenly the pregnant girl walking around school with a book in front of her belly.

When does high school end? Actually, I was more impressed with the maturity of kids in high school. When does middle school end? 'Cause it sucked and I'm really not in the mood to pray for boobs again because my "friends" are making fun of my flat chest (also: neener, neener, bitchaz!). I'm a good friend and human being (with feelings!), so I don't really deserve any of this. But I get it: Everything changes, but why on Earth, in our late 20s, is it changing reverting back to middle school? I have a problem with this.

Step away from the Intro to Lit. We're adults now - let's fucking act like it, shall we?