Thursday, June 30, 2011
This is my official resignation. I give up on what I'd grown to hold onto. It makes me unhappy. The brief moments of feeling complete and warm aren't worth the angst it causes me in the interim. And only me. I let you go and I ran away - leaving a fallible trail of tears and unwanted, unrequited feelings behind. And you came back. Stupid and hopeful, perhaps, but probably just weakened by months of emotion and being unable to process any type of feeling of "closure", I got sucked back in. At first it was easy, but the feelings trickled back to me like a mountain stream of melting caps. A wash took over and I'm right back to where I was when I had dreams and nightmares and grasped for guidance -- and realized I had to leave. This isn't healthy for me. I wanted it. I still do. And that's why I have to run away. It breaks my heart...pieces unworthy of your apathy. I'm a wonderful girl, but the angst drives me to madness - madness I'm certain you misunderstand; I can't be in something so deep and so alone. I have to run. I have to reclaim myself again. I'm sorry, my friend. Maybe we'll meet again someday.