Thursday, March 4, 2010

Compulsive Lateness

I was late being born.

My mother had to be induced because I was two weeks late. She would have had me on a Friday, but she had a headache…so she waited till Monday. Perhaps it's the reverse effects of Pitocin that makes induced babies late from then on. Maybe it’s genetic: My biological parents are both late people, which made switching kids for visitation weekends interesting - I think they eventually tried to out-late each other...we spent a lot of time sitting in cars. Perhaps it’s a Libra thing – I’ve read that before. Or maybe it’s a mental disorder. But being perpetually late is not a choice.

For years I’ve been aware of my tardiness. For years it has gotten me into some trouble. I almost lost my job at Bob Evans. (When you work at Big Bob’s you have to clock into the system no more than 3 minutes after shift start or a manager has to over-ride you. If you are tardy more than 5 times, you are canned. I started to run in without my shoes on, and then I got yelled at for that.) I know, right, I mean, Bob Evans - that’s huge! In high school I was always late. Being late for homeroom meant detention, but I devised a way to get out of that: When running late I would stop at McDonald's and grab a coffee and cinnamon bun for the attendance guy on my way to school. Never had detention again. In college I was always late to class, I had to shmooze my way into it being okay. And in my job, with our flex hours, which is lucky - but that just means show up at the latter part of flexing and work late into the evening.

Yes, I find it personally frustrating that I am chronically tardy. I don’t like to rush around. I don’t like the anxiety that creates. I know I only leave myself just enough time to get where I'm going, but I also don’t know how to fix it. If I get up earlier, I’m just as tardy. If I start to try to get ready earlier, I lose something and have to take time to find it. And in the off chance I’m early, whoever I’m going to see is late…I swear, happens every time. And then it seems like a waste of time.

In seeking a foundation for my frustration for this lack of understanding of, what I refer to as, Compulsive Lateness, I found a few links to information on what they call “chronic lateness”. Very few. Why is this something that is never talked about? The few threads I found are overrun with comments and the one book on chronic lateness is sold out on Amazon.

Wait. What? Totally obscure book? Yes, sold out. I’m sensing an untapped market here. Someone call Ron Popeil!

Alcoholism? An acceptable disease.
OCD? Oh man, that must suck; help me understand your rituals. Let’s explore your anxiety. 
Drug addict? Aw. Sad for you – what trauma did you have in your life.
Depression? A growing epidemic: Everyone swallow meds!
Anxiety? Oh, you don’t feel so good (yea, me neither). Panic attack!
ADD? Loud kids are no longer punished, but heavily medicated. And as adults, ADD is sometimes laughed at – but my entire generation is plagued. Let’s commiserate.

I have the last two of these. To what degree? I don’t know. I’m in the thought of: Our ancestors were fine, I’ll find a way to deal and P.S. I’m broke and have bad insurance. In the few links (and here and here) I did find on chronic lateness, it is said to be linked to both anxiety (Hi there, My Head) and ADD (Hello again)…like I needed those two correlations to help prove my compulsion.

In reading those articles I found myself going “yes”, “yes”…”uh-oh” and “yes”. Obviously it’s some type of psychological disorder; I just want to know why it’s not discussed or studied (beyond a college documentary) or understood. And why there's no help. It’s so wide-spread the book is sold out and yet instead of the responses you get with the ailments listed above, you just get anger, frustration and misunderstanding. I DON’T LIKE IT EITHER. And yes, I would please like some help. Anyone, anyone? No? Okay, keep judging me, and, while you’re at it, pop some more pills for your restless leg syndrome (there's a fucking foundation!) and chronic dry eye.

I think I'm missing out on a huge business opportunity here...

Meanwhile, I'm going keep trying to fix it on my own...but I swear the world is 10 minutes ahead.


Anonymous said...

We'll find a cure for you yet, hun

-The Doppleganger

PS Set a music alarm to Party in the USA by Miley Cyrus, I would be out of bed destroying my alarm faster than a chocolate cake at a weightwatchers convention

Anonymous said...

I, too, suffer from this condition - your blog could have been written about me! Mostly late, seldom "in the nick of time", rarely early. Rush rush rush, praying I don't get into car accidents, get speeding tickets, get spurned, or get fired. A theory, if you will: us "special" folk paradoxically live in an alternate universe while simultaneously living in this reality which causes time dilations, or discrepancies, as our attention/observation wavers back and forth, wreaking havoc with our sense of time, and so causing chronic lateness. We don't notice the switching of realities because there apparently are an infinite amount of realities that range from being slightly different to completely opposite, like where Ghandi enslaves India - we're not going to that one.


This is the only thing that has ever come close to making any sense.

But seriously, time is a man-made construct. It doesn't really exist.

-Space Cadette

p.s. i am not crazy or high.

Hatching West said...

...just late

xumeiqing said...

abercrombie and fitch outlet
nmd adidas
toms shoes outlet
burberry outlet
louboutin uk
cheap jordans
oakley sunglasses
ray ban sunglasses
longchamp bags

Unknown said...

ugg boots
toms outlet
michael kors handbags cheap
michael kors outlet
gucci outlet
canada goose outlet
dolphins jerseys
denver broncos jerseys
oakley sunglasses sale
golden state warriors

raybanoutlet001 said...

vera bradley
nike zoom
true religion uk
adidas neo
michael kors handbags
tiffany and co
retro jordans
tiffany jewelry

xumeiqing said...

fit flops
ugg boots
pandora uk
fitflops shoes
kd 9 shoes
michael kors bags
gucci outlet
canada goose outlet
christian louboutin
nike free run flyknit

Unknown said...

true religion jeans outlet
michael kors outlet online
coach outlet store
louis vuitton outlet online
louis vuitton outlet online
polo ralph lauren outle
fitflops sale clearance
fake rolex watches
toms shoes

John said...

moncler uk
tory burch outlet online
cavaliers jerseys
louis vuitton outlet online
coach outlet online
mulberry uk
clarks shoes outlet
jordan uk
salomon outlet

raybanoutlet001 said...

golden state warriors jerseys
michael kors uk
49ers jersey
fitflops sale
cheap basketball shoes
michael kors outlet
ugg boots
eagles jerseys
nike factory outlet
oakley sunglasses

Unknown said...

ugg boots
coach factory outlet
ralph lauren outlet
ugg boots
prada handbags
polo ralph lauren uk
true religion uk
snapbacks hats wholesale
oakley vault
oakley canada

Unknown said...

stuart weitzman shoes
nba jerseys
gentle monster sunglasses
canada goose outlet
kd 9
uggs outlet
canada goose coats
cheap jordans
swarovski crystal
canada goose jackets

5689 said...

christian louboutin outlet
coach outlet online
oakley sunglasses
true religion jeans
ralph lauren uk
kate spade
golden goose sneakers
supreme new york
nike air max

Unknown said...


pandora charms
canadian goose
coach outlet
coach outlet
tod's outlet
ecco shoes
nike shoes
tory burch outlet
pandora jewelry
christian louboutin outlet

Hualala said...

Jordans 11
Red Bottom Shoes
Pandora Jewelry Official Site
Pandora Charms Outlet
Adidas Yeezy
Pandora Jewelry
Air Jordan 9
Air Jordan 11
Retro Jordan 11