Friday, January 16, 2015

On Dating a Single Parent

Alright, so it's been about a month since I gave the single dad thing a go. I see him every once and a while. Let's see...ummmm...like five times. That 28 hour date, a Wednesday night, that 70 hour date, and this past Tuesday and Thursday. Which is strange considering that the Turk, who lasted about two months, but really only like 20 days in person, seemed so much more of something; so intense. (It's only since just this I've realized how incredibly different interactions between two people can be over the same amount of time. It's mind-boggling. But anyway...)

So we're four weeks into this and I'm not quite sure what to think, but there are definitely disjointed thoughts running through my mind. I'm already running into feeling like I'm competing with a kid. To which someone responded to my concern, "Well it's not a competition." Well no fucking shit because 1. I would never win and 2. I'm not trying to compete, it just feels that way. It feels like some sort of weird, unwanted rivalry, as I am vying for the same affections - well aware best I'll ever do is silver. This issue was brought up one night when he was suppose to come over and then the kid decided he wanted to go back to dad's from mom's and I got a, "Sorry, I can never say 'no' to him."

Well good god what am I suppose to do with that? On the one hand, I deeply admire him for being such a good and doting father, having missed out on that myself. On the other hand, as a single girl interested in a guy, I find it incredibly frustrating that I am not doted upon; that I'll always come second. And that's just being honest.

So lets continue with this sort of free-flowing what's going in my head and jot it down with the next hypothetical scenario that popped into my mind: What if I'm sick or hurt and I need to go to the hospital but he - in this completely theoretical scenario where he's something significant to me - can't take me because he's got his kid? I, in theory, then am dating a guy that can't take care of me because he's too busy taking care of his number one. 

I want to be able to need as much as I am needed. Isn't that the definition of a partnership? But then it occurs to me that if you are dating a single parent, you are always going to be needed more than your needs are fulfilled. You are always going to have to bend more than they bend; work around two needs instead of just one. It appears to be an incredibly uneven see-saw: Two people on one end hanging you high and dry on the other. Boris and Natasha versus Rocky sans Bullwinkle.

Even still, I'm trying to give this time to matriculate into the world of single parent dating. This all is still incredibly casual - although difficult to keep it feeling particularly casual based on the situation - but I have these thoughts and such, e.g.: How the fuck would this ever work?  And we haven't even gotten to the part where he's gone back to work yet and his work hours are all jacked up so then it's just work and kid ... and no girl - which could be the end in and of itself. A question I posed just last night: Just what happens then? Are we done when you being to work again?

"I don't know my schedule yet." Which my brain takes and translates - appropriately - to: Calm the fuck down, self - remember to be in the moment. And thus, it reminds me that one of the appeals of dating a single parent was that they don't have enough time to spend with me in order to get attached (because I'm fucking moving, damnit). Otherwise, if this went deep into dating territory as is, it would feel like I'm making all the sacrifices to meet the needs in his life. And what about me? Just because I don't have a child, doesn't mean I should have to sleep on a couch in the basement my needs are less important.

And so I remind myself it's casual - as casual as it can be working around the schedule of a seven year old. So right now I figure we still enjoy each other's company (despite seeing one another rarely.) And it's still winter and beds are still cold. And I, sort of unexpectedly, like to spend time with him - so there's that. And yet, with my silver medal, I can't fully identify with the satiated feeling of being a part time parent, and thus, also a part time lover. Instead, I am simply a part time lover; a woman of convenience - my most loathed place to be. And, to make matters worse, a position he doesn't seem to understand.

"What do you mean 'convenience," he asked as I broached the topic. And honestly, I don't even know where to begin explaining. And even if I tried, it would only ever make sense if I had a kid too (or he didn't.) And here lies the crux of the problem: Our lives force us to use separate playbooks; play by different rules. Single parent/childless single dating: It's hard. It would require understanding from both parties who can't possibly fully understand the other person's position. It's sacrificial and admirable and complicated and not easy and potentially totally worth it - and potentially totally not.

12 comments:

xiaodai said...

daigege15.0606
gucci outlet
coach outlet online
tory burch handbags
polo ralph lauren
oakley sunglasses
kate spade bags
true religion
chanel bags
ray ban sunglasses
michael kors outlet online
michael kors bags
pandora charms
ray ban sunglasses
ray bans
true religion jeans
christian louboutin outlet
abercrombie outlet
prada outlet
toms shoes
ray ban glasses
ralph lauren outlet
gucci outlet
michael kors
chanel outlet
ray ban uk
true religion outlet
oakley sunglasses
mont blanc pens
air max 95
coach outlet

mao qiuyun said...

ralph lauren outlet, http://www.ralphlaurenoutlet.in.net/
futbol baratas, http://www.futbol-baratas.com/
oakley sunglasses, http://www.oakleysunglasses-outlet.us.com/
lululemon outlet, http://www.lululemonoutletstore.in.net/
ray ban sunglasses, http://www.raybansunglass.co.uk/
ray ban sunglasses, http://www.raybansunglass.com.au/
north face jackets, http://www.thenorthfaces.in.net/
coach outlet online, http://www.coachoutletonline.in.net/
ralph lauren, http://www.poloralphlaurenoutlet.it/
oakley sunglasses, http://www.wholesaleoakleysunglasses.us.com/
true religion jeans, http://www.truereligionjean.in.net/
pandora jewelry, http://www.pandorajewelryoutlet.us.com/
louis vuitton handbags, http://www.louisvuittonhandbags.org.uk/
swarovski outlet, http://www.swarovski-outlet.co.uk/
tory burch outlet, http://www.toryburchoutletonline.in.net/
oakley sunglasses wholesale, http://www.oakleysunglasseswholesale.us.com/
nike huarache, http://www.nike-airhuarache.co.uk/
hollister uk, http://www.hollistershirts.co.uk/
oakley outlet, http://www.oakleyoutlet.in.net/
michael kors handbags, http://www.michaelkorshandbag.co.uk/
oakley sunglasses, http://www.oakleysunglassesdiscount.us.com/
louis vuitton handbags, http://www.louisvuittonhandbagsoutlet.co.uk/
ray ban sunglasses, http://www.ray-bansunglassess.in.net/
dansko outlet, http://www.dansko-shoes.us/
coach outlet, http://www.coachoutletstores.com.co/
ray ban sunglasses, http://www.ray-bansunglasses.eu.com/
air max 2014, http://www.airmax2014.net/
cheap nba jerseys, http://www.nbajerseys.net/
0922maoqiuyun

oakleyses said...

louis vuitton outlet, tiffany and co, burberry outlet, gucci handbags, louis vuitton, nike outlet, christian louboutin, ugg boots, michael kors outlet, prada outlet, longchamp outlet, nike air max, polo ralph lauren outlet online, kate spade outlet, christian louboutin outlet, prada handbags, ray ban sunglasses, louis vuitton outlet, michael kors outlet online, longchamp outlet, burberry handbags, tory burch outlet, christian louboutin shoes, replica watches, cheap oakley sunglasses, michael kors outlet online, tiffany jewelry, longchamp outlet, michael kors outlet online, uggs outlet, michael kors outlet online, oakley sunglasses wholesale, polo outlet, jordan shoes, ray ban sunglasses, uggs outlet, oakley sunglasses, louis vuitton outlet, oakley sunglasses, replica watches, uggs on sale, oakley sunglasses, chanel handbags, michael kors outlet, louis vuitton, ugg boots, nike air max

oakleyses said...

sac longchamp pas cher, nike free run, lululemon canada, longchamp pas cher, nike air max uk, kate spade, true religion outlet, sac hermes, polo lacoste, air max, north face, sac vanessa bruno, true religion outlet, louboutin pas cher, coach purses, nike free uk, replica handbags, nike blazer pas cher, timberland pas cher, oakley pas cher, new balance, polo ralph lauren, ray ban uk, true religion jeans, coach outlet store online, michael kors pas cher, vans pas cher, nike air max, nike roshe run uk, nike air max uk, mulberry uk, hollister pas cher, coach outlet, true religion outlet, abercrombie and fitch uk, north face uk, michael kors, michael kors outlet, hogan outlet, hollister uk, nike air force, guess pas cher, ralph lauren uk, nike roshe, burberry pas cher, converse pas cher, ray ban pas cher, michael kors, jordan pas cher

oakleyses said...

soccer shoes, mcm handbags, ipad cases, iphone 6s cases, mac cosmetics, jimmy choo outlet, ralph lauren, iphone 6 cases, north face outlet, nike trainers uk, louboutin, insanity workout, reebok outlet, oakley, new balance shoes, hollister, p90x workout, iphone cases, iphone 5s cases, babyliss, iphone 6 plus cases, instyler, giuseppe zanotti outlet, asics running shoes, nike roshe run, mont blanc pens, soccer jerseys, longchamp uk, north face outlet, chi flat iron, hollister clothing, vans outlet, lululemon, s6 case, nike air max, valentino shoes, iphone 6s plus cases, hermes belt, celine handbags, bottega veneta, timberland boots, ferragamo shoes, baseball bats, ghd hair, beats by dre, abercrombie and fitch, wedding dresses, nfl jerseys, herve leger, nike huaraches

oakleyses said...

karen millen uk, pandora jewelry, moncler, moncler outlet, canada goose outlet, pandora jewelry, moncler, barbour, doudoune moncler, supra shoes, hollister, canada goose, moncler, ugg uk, toms shoes, pandora uk, marc jacobs, converse outlet, canada goose jackets, canada goose uk, links of london, juicy couture outlet, ugg pas cher, moncler, canada goose outlet, doke gabbana, replica watches, canada goose outlet, ugg,ugg australia,ugg italia, louis vuitton, vans, swarovski, gucci, louis vuitton, wedding dresses, thomas sabo, juicy couture outlet, nike air max, canada goose, ray ban, pandora charms, ugg, moncler uk, montre pas cher, converse, hollister, moncler outlet, louis vuitton, coach outlet, louis vuitton, barbour uk, louis vuitton, swarovski crystal

roshini said...


Sage Support Phone Number
Sage Support Phone Number
Sage Support Number
Sage Tech Support Number
Sage Technical Support Number
Sage Tech Support Phone Number
Sage Technical Support Phone Number
Sage Tech Support Number
Sage Technical Support Number
Sage Tech Support Phone Number
Sage Technical Support Phone Number

Soni yadav said...


Aol Technical Support Phone Number
Aol Technical Support Number
Aol Tech Support Number
Aol Tech Support phone Number
Aol Support Number
Aol Support phone Number
Outlook Technical Support Phone Number
Outlook Technical Support Number
Outlook Tech Support Number
Outlook Tech Support Phone Number
Outlook Support Number
Outlook Support Phone Number

Anjilo Jilo said...

Quicken Support Phone Number
Quicken Support Phone Number
Quicken Support Number
Quicken Tech Support Number
Quicken Tech Support Phone Number
Quicken Technical Support Number
Quicken Technical Support Phone Number
Quicken Technical Support Number
Quicken Tech Support Phone Number
Quicken Tech Support Number

mohan kumar said...

Quickbooks Support Phone Number
Quickbooks Pro Support Phone Number
Quickbooks Pro Tech Support Number
Quickbooks Pro Support Number
Quickbooks Pro Technical Support Number
Quickbooks Pro Tech Support Phone Number
Quickbooks Pro Technical Support Phone Number
Quickbooks Pro Help Desk Phone Number
Quickbooks Pro Help Desk Number
Quickbooks Pro Customer Service Number
Quickbooks Pro Customer Service Phone Number
Quickbooks Pro Customer Support Number
Quickbooks Pro Customer Support Phone Number

Kanika Jaiswal said...

QuickBooks Technician
Quickbooks Support Phone Number
Quickbooks Tech Support Number
Quickbooks Support Number
Quickbooks Technical Support Number
Quickbooks Tech Support Phone Number
Quickbooks Technical Support Phone Number
Quickbooks Customer Service Number
Quickbooks Customer Service Phone Number
Quickbooks Customer Support Number
Quickbooks Customer Support Phone Number
Quickbooks Help Desk Phone Number
Quickbooks Help Desk Number

Kanika Jaiswal said...

Quickbooks Support Phone Number
Quickbooks Support Phone Number
Quickbooks Tech Support Number
Quickbooks Support Number
Quickbooks Technical Support Number
Quickbooks Tech Support Phone Number
Quickbooks Technical Support Phone Number
Quickbooks Help Desk Phone Number
Quickbooks Help Desk Number
Quickbooks Customer Service Number
Quickbooks Customer Service Phone Number
Quickbooks Customer Support Number
Quickbooks Customer Support Phone Number