Monday, April 8, 2013
This is just about a closet.
I need to step into my closet today and figure out who I am.
Each fall and spring, I switch out my clothes and shoes in anticipation for the change in weather - and subsequently - wardrobe.
But this time, I have to purge some items. Despite having a rather large closet, I haven't enough room for all of my clothes and shoes. And it's really getting quite silly. Some stuff needs to go. But then I pick something up I haven't worn in years and think "I might. There could be a moment when I need this again." And then I put it back down and try to find another open hanger. Or a new corner to put new clothes in.
I've run out of space in my closet. Than hangers won't sway. I have so many articles that I can't even see them now. And every nook is taken oven by cotton or spandex or denim. Drawers have fallen off; dressers have fallen apart.
Is this a metaphor? No. Not really. I just like shopping. And clothes. And now I'm broke. But I got pink shoes!
I have a shoe addiction. I am completely okay with this. Your body can grow and shrink and change; clothes can make you feel bad about yourself or fat for no reason. But shoes? Shoes always fit.
However, I need to decide which shoes to keep. Which means I need to decide who I am; who I have become. (And who I will become?) I have clothes from high school in my closet. Which, on the one hand is good: I can still fit in them and I knew who I was back then too. And on the other hand, that's a lot of clothes. Even if I did know who I was. But did I? And do I?
Honestly, I'm beginning to think we don't ever really know who we will be. I think that's why I'm always stuck holding that shirt tat I haven't worn in three years in my hand and putting it back on the rod because I don't know who I'll be and in two more years, Hey! maybe I'll be a person who wears this kind of thing again.
Perhaps I should learn to hold onto clothes like I hold on to relationships: Keep only what is perfect. What makes me (look like) a better person. What if I was without, I would be sad.
A person's wardrobe is a reflection of the person; their confidence, personality, time. I am ever-evolving. The past few years I have made so many changes in my life, ridding myself of people and habits that were no longer useful; growing. Its time for my closet to follow suit. (Suit?! See what I did there? Puns!) I have to stand in front of fabrics who are asking me: Who are you now?
Well that's awfully presumptuous of you, Closet!
Maybe I've been putting this off because I'm not entirely sure of the answer for tomorrow. I shall then have to live for today. Just today. Totally nude.
(Just kidding about the nude thing.)