I have a few blogs in progress: One reviewing the year: the good, the bad, the TRAVEL! (I know, I barely wrote about that and there was so much. Eek!!) - including the part where I went to NYC and on a whim saw a psychic in Chelsea (and another in Times Square), which I meant to write about a long while back - as suggested by my mother (and that may just be a copied chat --- why not?), but until then (progressing blogs to fruition), just now, in a moment alone, quiet, with everyone in bed (it's 2:24am and I'm back home for the holiday): My sisters, my brother in law, my parents and my three wonderful nieces (2.5 yr. and twins 5 mo.), I had a thought about the year in review:
I ran away from everything I didn't want. And towards everything I ever wanted.
And then a few more:
Never broken, but badly bruised.
I weeded out those who didn't matter, or mattered worse. Coveted those who held me up when I needed support. And gathered more, new fantastic characters who fill only that second category (reciprocated when I'm needed, of course). I am lucky to be so loved.
We are never given more than we can handle. And even when it feels like the weight of the world is on our shoulders, minds and, most suffocating, our hearts, it's only once we come out of if that we realize that aching hearts gain strength with struggle with strife and troubled minds mend with wisdom and time. If my 20s have taught me anything, it is definitely that "what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger" isn't just something that people say. And I have never been quite so certain of who I am (becoming) and the power that knowledge possesses.
I never need to be more than just exactly who I am - and who I want to be. And carry myself and my energy as such. Anything beyond that is my choice. And that choice - those choices - must be something really wonderful and rather fulfilling to have a place and purpose here.
I hated this year. From the start, I couldn't wait for it to be over. But it is now and I happy for that, but I'm also happy for the friends, wisdom, strength and composure I have gained through - and because - of it.
Time for Chapter 12. Be gentle. Please.