I got off the merry-go-round. Being inside your own head can really make you crazy. Though I still have confused angry oats rolling around in there. A flickers of remaining illness expectorating and fuzzing logical thought processes.
I analyze way too much in life. A friend of mine is currently doing the same: Analyzing everything. And we're both driving ourselves bananas.
I think doing this is based on anxiety. And fear - but those usually coincide.
It's hard to admit that at 26, you don't really know who you are. And I wonder if we ever really find ourselves. If life is ever-changing and it all alters from day-to-day, how can you stay the same person when events make an impact?
Perhaps then, we are just what the situations make of us. Or rather how we cope, deal and revise ourselves based on what life throws our way. Some years are great, others are awful. It's all about balance. Is a person defined by how they keep their balance internally? Or their techniques of not falling? Or failing? Or how we dig ourselves back out once we're down?
It is far easier to have fun in the moment when you're not thinking about anything else. And it's hard to make those moments happen when you're too busy wrapped up inside your own head. Too busy cloaking yourself from what you've convinced your mind is happening - when really all you're probably doing is fucking up something that was otherwise fine.
Life is a fickle matter. I hope it gets better with time.