The One Where I Burned My Boob

So the power went out on Sunday, as I previously mentioned. It came back 3 days later. And apparently I forgot how to use it.

Yesterday, I made an appointment with the doctor. I waited for a half hour past my appointment time. Then, the nurse asked "What happened?"

"I burned my boob."

"With what?"

"Hot wax."

She giggles, "What? I'm going to need more of the story." I tell her. She takes my vitals. 120/80. She tells me there is a student doctor today.

"Perfect," I say, "I was hoping to flash as many people as possible". She laughs and leaves.

The doctor comes in alone. (Nice, one less person to flash.) She asks me what I did. "I burnt my boob with hot wax."

She smiles, but obviously not thinking it was as kinky as the nurse did, she inquires as to how. Well, I'll tell you:

I'm an idiot. And I might have A.D.D. I was packing and cleaning out all my bathroom stuff and found a wax kit I bought a few years ago. I put it in front of the bathroom door until I decided if I wanted to keep it or chuck it. A couple of hours later I went to take a shower and saw the wax kit and was like "Hell, I'll just use it now, then throw it out". So I put the wax in the microwave for a minute - not reading to do 30 sec increments - and took it out. Only the middle was warm - the rest was still hard - so I put it in for another minute. Since I was heading to the shower, and my roommate's already gone, I was barely wearing a towel and when I took the wax out a second time it was a lot thinner of a liquid than before. Since the microwave is above eye-level, it spilled on my chest.

I show her. She makes that sucking air through your teeth noise. "Ya, you really burned yourself."

I asked if I was a first. I am indeed. I have 2nd degree burns. She gave me Silvadene and gauze. Hot.

However, on the plus side, if you have a semi-serious burn, you notice the pain less when you wax yourself. How's that for commitment?

I assure you, it looks more painful in person. And, no, for the record, I did not scream. I was too busy slapping molten wax off my body. Blonde...