Friday, January 29, 2010

Being Judged Accidentally?

I'm not lower class, I have debt, but I'm not poverty stricken. And yet the other day I felt wholly judged and excluded and belittled for not having the right amount of money. And it sucked a little. My roommate whom I actually get along with splendidly (except for the pot lids that hang around), informed me that, basically, I wasn't invited to live with him - and by him I mean him and his two roommate before me (they lived in a high rise and all worked at the same company -- two got contracted to different states but recently came back).

I'm highly not looking forward to finding a new place to live, let alone a new ROOMMATE. Do you any idea how hard it is for me to find someone I can live with peacefully (although, perhaps college is just a different story entirely  - we will soon find out)? Anyway, amidst the discussion his first reasoning for saying, basically, you can't live with us was someone along the lines of well we do stuff that costs a lot of money and you don't have any and I don't want you getting upset that you don't have the money to play with us. Well, I have my own friends, I need roommates. And why would I get mad, sincerely mad, not kidding jealous (which has wholley diminished since the year of yes. Yes!) because you are doing something that costs a lot of money I can't afford? Congrats. But I'm not that fucking petty and I"m also not that fucking poor. Even if I had money, even in this yes year, I have to be fiscally conscious ... I have my whole life, and I will continue to be the rest of my  life. Money is of little importance. Anyway, that sucked; being excluded, judged and dismissed for my financial standing.

Similarly, I was told that I act "22" because I stay up till 3am on work nights. I get to work late; my work is fine with that. How is my sleep schedule any reflection of me as a professional or a responsible adult? At least he apologized.

Argh. I'm done now...

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